I have never claimed to be the best wife or mother, but I am doing all that I can to be everything my husband and children need and deserve. Will I ever be perfect? No but it won't stop me from working on it. I have been provided the most amazing roles in this world by the most amazing God and I will do all things for His glory. It is the lessons that He provides me that makes me so thankful for the person He is shaping me to be.
Let me take you back to a random email I received 4 weeks ago from an HR recruiter who originally contacted me a year ago about a position that wasn't career-wise, not to mention I had been at the job I am in for a week. Anyway, he now had another position to put in front of me and as a marketer it's normal to keep your eyes open for the next quest. This role was intriguing from the tasks, to the challenge, to the growth potential, to the salary. And my mouth started to water.
The interview with the VP went well, I can tell we connected and again from what she described, the position would be a challenge but an opportunity to work alongside some pretty intelligent marketers was what kept me excited. I do recognize now we connected so well because 7 years ago that was me behind that table. The same look in my eyes that nothing besides working mattered, but 7 years ago I didn't have a husband to come home to and little ones to love on. It made me reflect on how much I loved my life.
The next step was an interview with the team, individually, (one additional VP, 3 product people, 2 like-managers in the department). I had prayed so hard for these interviews to shed light on the what the role would look like for me daily and how this could affect my family.
3.5 hours later and having turned the tables on 4 of the 6 interviewers, I was released and left with red flags from the following questions:
- "How do you work with difficult people" this was also posed as "Can you provide me an example of how you worked with people who may have been deemed difficult."
- "How do you feel about long hours?" This was also detailed with "We work hard, we play hard" and "Twelve hour days are pretty average for me."
If that wasn't enough to convince me I'd be selfish to take such a role at this point in my life, my daughter talking to me about not being able to take her to school anymore was a dagger in my heart. With my current job being 22 miles from the house, she's right I don't take her to school and pick her up like I once had the opportunity to do. However, she knows that her dad or her aunt is always there for her and that mom gets to come home earlier to spend way more time with her after school, but I would never miss her Mother's Day "thing" for a job.
I had prayed that these meetings would open my eyes to give me the best representation of what I would be entering into and it did. It is not to say that these people aren't going places in their careers, and that this role isn't right for someone. Just not someone like me, not anymore.
When the company made the offer at a figure a little over $15,000 more than what I currently make, it actually was easier than I thought to turn it down. $15,000 would barely cover the cost of the nanny I would need to hire to replace my role in taking care of my children while working those long days. That folks is sarcasm. Yet, reality.
I am so thankful to God to have provided me the heart that never made me feel like it's about the money in any position I've entered into. Yes, we need money to survive in THIS world, but taking money that would force me to spend time away from my husband and children isn't going to work well for me in HIS world. It is too easy to get wrapped up in the world that we need more, expect more and demand more. I was there once, but I'm not going back.
Over a year ago I was praying for the job I have now. A job that would challenge me and provide me the freedom to spend the time with my family that is needed, when it is needed. A job that affords us the money we need to have the things we need and insurance to cover us in our health needs. I trusted in the Lord then and I continue to trust in Him for these plans that shape my life. He provides and I love Him for all the ups and downs.
This coming year is filled with some wonderful milestones and I don't ever want to miss them:
- My babies turn 2 in July.
- My loving and always supportive husband has taken on the new role at the school and I need to support him in all ways.
- My oldest starts kindergarten - and due to the start time, I can take her to school.
This is how I spent my daughter's Mother's Day "thing" at Tessa's school.
So thankful to not have the feeling that I can't be there for my kids when it means
the most to them, not to mention how much it means to me.
" Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,
That fight for our love, and our passion,
As our eyes are open wide and on you.
Grant us the privilege of your world view,
And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down."
-- Toby Mac, Lose My Soul